Drake, Josh, a Psychic, and Fruit
by The Chortling Mermaid
Summary: When Drake and Josh went to Santa Barbara, they didn't know that Josh would be accused of a horrible crime. They didn't know that Shawn Spencer would show up to help them out either. 17th Birthday Present for Maddie ! (Posted a day before so she can see it tomorrow ;) )
A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDIE! Enjoy! 3

Disclaimer: The Oprah used in this story is not the true Oprah we all know. It's just the Drake and Josh version. I do not own any of these characters.

Santa Barbara was famous for quite a few things such as its lack of rain, its beautiful scenery, and for being the home of one particular psychic detective named Shawn Spencer along with his partner in solving crime, Burton Guster-better known as Gus. This particular afternoon didn't seem atypical-even when the duo saw the fervently flashing police lights outside the radio station they passed by whenever they went out for gelato. Of course this was one day where Shawn claimed that he needed it, and perhaps he did since he approached the crime scene with it in his hands and Gus at his side.

As they approached, they heard screeches from a mob of middle-aged women who the police were trying to keep beyond the crime scene tape. He presumably caught eye contact with blonde detective whose eyes were hidden by shades.

"Jules, what's the haps?" he asked, casually stepping over the police tape. In the background, a few women tried to sob on Gus.

She hesitated, shooting a glance at the gelato. "There's been a hit-and-run, possibly even attempted murder."

That's when he saw the stretcher with the woman lying on top of it. Then he saw the tracks the car presumably took. Either the driver was seriously intoxicated and was driving on the sidewalk, or it was indeed an attempt on the woman's life. The line of tracks were directed at such a precise target and then went into a straight line fleeing the scene.

He leaned towards the latter option.

"I'm sensing something!" Shawn yelled. "This was no accident...it was murder!" he looked at the stretcher, "It was almost murder!"

Members of the crowd gasped and screamed.

"Spencer, get the hell over here!" The tall and lean Detective Carlton Lassiter commanded, not waiting for Shawn to obey as he dragged the younger man by the ear.

"Ow ow ow!"

"You're going to cause a mass panic with talk like that. What's your proof?"

"The proof, Lassie is in not the pudding, but instead in the spirit world."

"Spencer, I really don't think you understand the gravity of this situation…That woman," he pointed at the stretcher, "is Oprah."

"The Oprah?" Shawn's question was met with a tacit nod. The psychic detective then took a particularly large spoonful of gelato and shoveled it into his mouth.

"If you have nothing better to do than pull guesses of what happened out of your ass, then kindly move along." The head detective dismissed the fake psychic. Behind Lassiter, Juliet shrugged apologetically.

"Alright, alright I'll leave iiiiif you let me on this case!"

"Absolutely n-"

"Great! I knew I could count on you!"

"Spencer! You're not on th-" Carlton cut himself off this time after realizing the man he was scolding had left earshot. It seemed that Shawn was dragging Gus away from the devastated women. Carlton's cold countenance was not hidden well by his own pair of sunglasses, and his partner slipped away from him to talk to forensics.

XxX

There was a time when police officers knocking at the door would make Josh Nichols think that someone in his family was found dead. This was not one of those times.

Aw jeez, what'd Drake do this time?

"SBPD, open up please!" At the door was a tall man holding a badge, and a smaller woman stood at his side.

"Are you Joshua Nichols?" the woman asked. At his verification she added, "We'd like to ask you a few questions. Would you come with us?"

"Yes ma'am. I need to be back by four, because my step-brother is going to perform at the Arlington Theater." Josh said. His skin was becoming damp with sweat, and he fought the urge to twitch. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong.

At the station, Josh was reminded of the time he was accused of being the Theater Thug. He was initially surprised that he was the one the cops were after, but considering his luck, he realized that he shouldn't have been surprised.

"Where were you last night at three o'clock?" The blonde detective-Juliet-asked first. The head detective Lassiter guy looked a bit irked.

"I was watching Celebrities Underwater in the hotel room."

"Do you have an alibi?" Lassiter cut in.

"I...my brother, Drake, was at rehearsal and...I…" He wracked his brain, "Oh, I ordered room service!"

"What time was that?" Lassiter asked, placing both of his palms on the table.

"Uhh, maybe around six…? Drake came in at seven, I think."

"Great." Josh caught Detective Lassiter roll his eyes. "Now...Joshua, we've heard that Oprah had filed a restraining order against you, months ago. Care to tell us why?"

"I accidentally ran her over." Josh admitted.

"Right, and since you apparently haven't watched the news at all last night, you wouldn't know that she's been run over again...this time by the driver of a red Dodge Viper."

"What? Is she...is she…"

"She'll be fine-she's in the hospital. Fortunately it looks like just a mild concussion, a few broken bones and some bruising." Juliet told him.

"You on the other hand might not be fine." The other detective said, leaning closer to him.

It has to be a coincidence. They know that Drake and I own the car now.

"My brother's was stolen yesterday."

"And did you report it as stolen?" The man challenged.

"No...well that's because Drake tends to lose things including his car...so we were gonna give it a day or two."

"How convenient! So you and "Drake," he used hand quotes, "Drove four hours away from your home so that he could perform at a concert, get your car stolen, and then sit down watching TV and go to a band rehearsal?"

"A-Actually, sir...w-we didn't know the car was stolen until Drake came back. When his f-friend picked him up, the car was still in the parking lot."

"Carlton." Juliet whispered, "that's enough." Even though she hadn't intended for Josh to hear her scold the other detective, the teenage boy had. Then she turned to Josh and told him to stay in town and that they would look for his car.

As he left the room, Josh bumped into a man who must have been in either his late twenties or early thirties.

"Whoops! Sorry kid!" The man said, looking Josh up and down. Josh watched as he held his fingers to his temple. "I'm sensing that you were just accused of a crime you didn't commit and that you need my help. I'm Shawn Spencer-psychic detective."

Josh's jaw dropped. What? Is this guy for real? Headaches.

Well...it seems like he's on my side.

"I...you think I'm innocent?" he said, eyes brimming with hope.

"Yeah," Shawn waved his hand, as if to dismiss any doubts Josh may have possessed, "The spirits are telling me that you're the type of kid who treasures his perfect attendance award and who actively watches Oprah."

So he was psychic.

"Shawn! Didn't Lassie tell you that we didn't get this case?" A black man around the same age as Shawn stormed over.

"Gus, don't be a soggy french fry! This young man needs our help!"

"Hey, I'm Josh!" He held out his hand which the other man refused to shake.

"Oprah is one of my heroes. If you were the one who-"

"Gus! He didn't do it! Chill, man." Shawn brushed him off. "Don't you worry that sweet and shiny head." Josh watched in confusion as the psychic touched his friend's head with his palm, only for it to be slapped away.

"Quit fooling around! This is serious...a very famous and influential person was almost killed yesterday."

Josh cringed at the thought of the woman he idolized lying there, broken on a hospital bed.

"Um...excuse me, fellas I also am a huge fan of Oprah…also, I was wondering if you could give me a lift to the Arlington Theater? I don't have a car." Josh interrupted. He normally wouldn't accept, never mind ask for, a ride from strangers, but this was not a normal circumstance.

"Sure, Gus drives a blueberry."

Gus shot his friend an indignant look. "It's a company car, Shawn!" Then the man looked at Josh, "You don't have any pointy or sticky objects, do you?"

"No."

"Good, let's go."

"Hey...uh Josh, has anyone ever told you that you have a large head? It has the likeness of a melon...perhaps cantaloupe or watermelon." Shawn informed him.

What was with this guy and fruit?

xXx

"Here's our business card." Shawn handed Josh a napkin with the word "PSYCH" written across it. It had an address and phone number too.

"Thank you. I'll call you tonight. You guys have been so nice to me and I really appreciate that!"

"You're welcome, kid. We'll find the real person who did this." Gus said. He offered Josh a fist, which the latter bumped with his own.

Finding Drake was easy.

He was on stage singing his song after all.

xXx

After the performance, Josh pulled Drake aside.

"Drake, I have terrible news!"

"The rash came back?"

"Wouldya….NO! Oprah got run over and the police think I did it!"

"Well you did, didn't you?" Drake asked, apparently indifferent to the misfortune that befell Josh's idol.

"Not this time, Drake. She got hit yesterday...by our car."

"Oh my God." The shorter boy looked stunned, "I told you I didn't lose it this time!"

"COULD YA BE SERIOUS PLEASE? THIS IS A CRISIS HERE!"

"Sorry. You're right."

Josh relaxed a little bit. "Nice performance, brotha!"

"Thanks...this was such a great gig, you're the best manager ever!"

"Well, thank Clayton's cousin's neighbor, Mr. Dobson! He was the one who got us here."

"Yeah yeah. Pssh, Clayton."

"So this detective wants to help us out!" Josh told him.

"Oh yeah? How much is it gonna cost to hire him?"

"Not sure...we'll have to call later I guess...or we could visit the office."

"Great! Let's go get smoothies. I heard that this one place has amazing pineapple smoothies."

Josh twitched a little, but agreed nonetheless. They began walking to the smoothie place, which evidently wasn't too far away.

When they arrived, Josh was shocked to see Shawn and Gus standing at the counter.

"Shawn? Gus?" Josh called out to them.

"Shawn this is creepy…he's following us now." Gus "whispered" to his friend.

"I wasn't...we wanted smoothies. What're you guys doing here?"

"I also wanted a smoothie." Shawn said, and as if to prove his point, he sucked up the thick liquid through his straw.

"Oh...this is Drake! Drake, these are the detectives I just told you about."

xXx

After explaining the circumstances of their visit, Drake and Josh decided to hire the two men. Drake wrote a check using his step-father's checkbook.

"Alright boys. Let's see if I can psychically read the guy who brought you here. What's his name?"

"His last name is Dobson...I think his first name is Jim." Drake replied, snapping his fingers. Shawn and Gus exchanged a glance.

"Isn't that the cop that Lassie yells at every day?" Gus asked.

"Yeah...that's one coincidence too many. Do you two have a phone number for this guy?"

"No it was all over email and through this kid in our school." Josh said, running his hand through his hair.

"Let's go to the station!" Shawn yelled.

xXx

It was no secret that Gus disliked his job. His boss was terrible, and many of his coworkers were dull. However, he had a high level of respect for the business of selling life-enhancing or even life-saving pharmaceuticals. He also didn't like the fact that his company car was consistently misused whenever Shawn had one of his whims.

And now Shawn just spilled his smoothie on the seat.

I'm gonna kill him.

Drake had begun to tell Josh, Shawn, and presumably Gus himself a totally irrelevant story about some girl he once dated. Maybe if he had heard the story prior to Oprah's attack, he would be interested in the girl who could fit her whole fist in her mouth, but evidently he couldn't care less about what either of these suspects had to say.

When they arrived, Shawn immediately caught sight of Lassiter. He knew this, because Shawn sprinted over to the taller man, and nearly tackled him to the ground.

"Spencer! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Carlton Lassiter shouted.

"Quick, Lassie! Where's Dobson?" Shawn interrogated, grabbing both of the man's hands. This is not gonna go well.

The head detective violently shoved the younger man out of his personal space.

"Over there, doing something mediocre." Lassiter pointed, bitterness creeping into his tone.

"Great!" Shawn turned to Gus and the two boys. "Thanks!"

Gus noticed Lassiter giving Josh a look, but it seemed the detective didn't care enough to stop them. When they arrived at Dobson's small desk area, Gus watched as Shawn took in his surroundings. While his friend may not have been a "true" psychic, his true gift was really unbelievable.

"Dobson, hi, I know we don't talk much!" Shawn greeted. He then shook Dobson's hand. "Sorry, I mean, I usually get so caught up in that man over there," he gestured to Lassiter, "That extremely tall Leprechaun. Anyway, there're a few things I wanted to ask you if that's okay."

Dobson looked considerably taken aback-and justifiably so-but he nodded.

"Okay...When was the last personal day you took? I'm sensing it was the 17th."

"That's right...It was my daughter's birthday."

Shawn froze.

"I see...did you happen to come in at all?"

"Nope, my wife would have killed me."

"And...do you know a Jim Dobson?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah...he's my twin brother. I'm older by three minutes."

"Can you tell us where he lives?"

Dobson told us, and then wrote it down. He really didn't have to, after all, Shawn had an amazing memory.

Shawn seemed to be satisfied by all of Dobson's answers.

"I'll never let you go, Dobson." Shawn did a poor impression of Rose from Titanic. "I promise to come hang with you more. Thanks." Shawn turned to Gus and the teenage boys again and said, "Follow me!"

Gus fought with Shawn, after the latter called the driver's seat.

"No way, Shawn! You already spilled smoothie on my company car! Now the blueberry's gonna smell like pineapples!"

"It's okay, all of the Froot Loops are the same flavor." Shawn announced as if it would solve everything. He forced himself into the driver's seat.

"You drive like Roger Rabbit, Shawn!" Gus accused.

"Can I drive?" Drake asked.

"NO!" Josh screamed. "He failed his test so many times, and also, his car is a disgrace."

"We're wasting time. Everyone pile in."

xXx

Drake hated the fact that he was stuck in some random guy's car. The two manchildren had left him and his step-brother all alone. Plus they let Josh sit in the driver's seat in case they needed to quickly get away. Drake was obviously a more fun driver. Josh was the type to make an eleven point K turn.

"Where did you find those guys again?" Drake asked.

"At the police station where I was interrogated."

"Riight. Can you turn on some music?"

"No, Drake! That's a waste of gas!"

Drake mocked Josh for a short period of time.

A black police car pulled up, and so did a few normal blinky ones. The man and woman from the station came out of the black one, and both were carrying guns.

They went in, and then they came out with a guy that looked like the Dobson guy.

The two detective guys came out too.

"You thought you could get away with it, didn't you. Well you're like The Shredder in the 1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...THE TURTLES ALWAYS WIN. One, two, three, four!" Shawn pointed at himself, Gus, Josh, and then Drake. "Anyway...You went into the police records, posing as your identical twin. Then you found all of the people Oprah filed a restraining order against. You found the name and number of the guy who ran her over. That is the teen with the big melon-esque head!" He pointed at Josh.

"It's true." Drake pointed out in his most helpful tone.

Josh thumped Drake's head with his thumb.

"You found an excuse for them to come here, and used your connection with the theater to get his brother a gig. You snuck into the hotel and hotwired his car."

"Actually, they left the keys in the ignition." Jim Dobson mumbled as if it would change anything.

Josh thumed Drake on the head.

"You ran over Oprah, because she filed a restraining order on you...you little fanboy. Then, you brought it back to the hotel in hopes of blaming those two teenagers."

"Book him, O'Hara." the tall detective said.

xXx

"Thanks so much guys! You really saved us." Josh cried out. He gave each of them a hug. and turned to Drake. "Hug me brotha!"

Shawn and Gus fist bumped.

And all was right with the world once again.

Santa Barbara was famous for quite a few things. One of those things was solved crime.


End file.
